About The Book
What was the defining moment in your life that gave me the motivation to write this book?
That's when I actually interacted I question. No. I think that the answer to that is that it was a marriage of two defining moments. One happened 43 years ago in second grade in my hometown of Ligonier Pa. at the Ramsey school my second grade teacher Mrs. McGuire after handing back the writing assignments that I that I did well at she said you know one day one day you'll write books. And I listened and smiled. I'm sure and I've had a lot of things said you know since that time as to what I may or may not do which I have long since forgotten but I held onto followed closely by a couple of thoughts. What do I have to say in the world and who would care to read it. Show us that for whatever reason I held onto the idea that you know not every day or not every week or even every year it would loop back. So now it kind of has always been there. And then about seven years ago sure sounds like a long time now.
But yeah the process involved my corporate life as the senior vice president traveling consulting working with clients in many different cities came to an end and due to circumstances beyond my control and I just had no heart to try and tie in to that kind of work again with another consulting firm and just more of the same. So I've had a long period of quiet of searching something that was more schooling some of that was you know different avenues of thought I thought might fit. And then funny enough that came circling back for Mrs Maguire's words and I began to think about the idea of the the site's challenges that I've had since I was about 18 years old. And why do I have them you know. What have I been able to do despite them what it would have been able to do in my life because of them. And is this a unique way to reach out to touch the world to kind of put something in words that might encourage other people show. I have now.
As of this week in writing the book for about one year and I am into the last of four parts. Two chapters in and and hope to have it kind of buttoned up by the end of June and then we'll see where we go from there.
The Why.
OK so real quick just for listeners or readers or whoever is out there that they don't really know about what this journey has been for you. You quickly mentioned sites great so we asked oddly enough ties into the book. Correct yes. Yes. Probably more about that about the whole site issue that the title of the book is called peripheral. And I don't really see that as a working title. I think that's going to stick. Because it's a it's a play on words.
The WHY:
I was a freshman in college after a life of perfect sight a very sheltered simple healthy family country life in western Pennsylvania. I come to politics. I come to California for school. I'm sitting in a psychology class early on in my freshman year. And I you know I look from the white board down to my notepad and then back up to the white board and suddenly something had shifted suddenly I couldn't see as I normally had. And I kept rubbing my eyes and blinking and wondering what in the world. And so the first part of the book is basically the story of set against the backdrop of basically a healthy I feel like upbringing with no challenges of health condition of any sort sudden what happened. So it's the journey of what happens the path to diagnosis and the story. OK. Well from a freshman in college what I'm going to do now. You know I'm writing I've got a rare retinal disorder but rare I mean 15 1 and 20000 people have it. You know nobody cares. And you know I'm a young a young man at a time with nothing but my life ahead of me what am I going to do. So that's that's the beginning of the book the to the dealing with the diagnosis of Stargardt's disease which is its name which is an erosion of central vision. I'm simply left with peripheral vision which is bigger.
And then of course you go through life and you know you know you have this situation going on and I imagine that played into a lot of you know how you did manage it how you did work with it how you did eventually. I would imagine develop stronger senses because of the Sight correct. Yes. There was a period of deterioration that lasted about ten years and then it stopped but it started because there was no more no war specifically macular degeneration was gone. So I was left with what I had.
The Career
The second part of the book the journey in businesses is very much about the compensation for it or in some cases overcompensation for the disability and how I move through my working life at the time making the best of it with people in my life who are friends to this day who varying degrees of sensitivity to buy side issues or not. So part two is a lot of funny stories about some of the funny things that happened as I missed things as a normally sighted person would see work among you know some crusty salty Irish types back in Boston and you know who are never going to let on that they admire you and like you because of how you overcome your disability. They pick on you. .
So let's talk about as you began writing this book you decided OK you know what I'm going to listen to that teacher and I'm using to give it a go and see what happens and what obstacles are just a real or perceived.
Did you did you feel like you've had to move through or I don't want to say overcome that moved through to get you know to get this far in the book to get to where it was a concept an idea to actually hey I'm writing I'm doing this I'm doing this thing.
Great question. And by the way the obstacles are present on any given day and to them you know the voice of doubt is ever present you know who are you to think you can write a book right. Or you know is what I'm writing of interest that is going to be of value anyone and hers is just an exercise for myself for my daughter and maybe not any more people beyond that. My friends but. So I've I've always been a fair communicator and spoken word and through writing and I just felt like you know I'm decent at storytelling let me just start to put together some vignettes or some stories around these different either time periods or parts of life that growing up to be that business be that relationship or be that what do I do with this now is it kind of the four parts of the book in general. And what I've collected are about 34 different stories that kind of fit under one of those headings. Moving along a timeline of life. But I know I'm not an English major. I don't know I don't have a degree in composition. I'm just writing stories and then telling them like that. Like I would tell them to my daughter my straightforward simple hopefully light and expansive that she and life and others who read it may see their own life story their own challenges with them.
But using the device of humor as much as I can my funny things that happened but were back and to try and you know to be. And let them know they're not alone. So I don't have any formal training at this I just kind of had a desire and a little prompting 43 years ago and I still get a free time. And I said Well why not. Why not. Why not take a crack at this because it doesn't seem to stop nagging me that I should do it. And so you know one day becomes a week and one week becomes a month and now suddenly I'm a year into this and it has a life of its own that's some things it's just writing itself. It's easy. Not every day. The days I edit are for. No. No it's you know there's writing and then there's the work of rewriting and rewriting is it is much more. But it's coming and I can see how the main point I'd like to and I can see the end yet even as I get closer to the so Harry yes. And you know. Yes yes. So the the obstacles throughout this year of writing would you say were they more internal and kind of just like you said like who's going to read this. I'm sure there's the doubt and all the cool things that you get to work through because you know and I know you're on a personal level that writing a book.
And I think for anybody who's writing a book that is based on their own experiences there is a part of it or part of them that may think like is going to find this valuable thing going to help people realize WHY AM I DOING THIS RIGHT.
So how are you. How have you been able to move through some of those you know those things. Because I I coach a lot of entrepreneurs and I tell them that starting their own business is the best life coaching or coaching program that they could ever invest in in their whole life because it's going to bring up all of their fears or doubts their insecurities their perceived shortcomings. And the second thing that is that has the same effect is writing a book based on freshly made some things in your life because again all the fears doubts worries insecurities and you know at times even self-worth issues a lot of things surface when we're doing this is because we're putting ourselves in a very vulnerable position. And so I think you have moved through some of those as you've been writing.
It's deeply personal. I mean I'm opening up my you know my not only my history and story but my emotions around. And you know one won't tell will that that comes. Not every day but every so often that reassures me I'm on the right path and writing this is that you can be sitting in a Starbucks or Pete's Coffee and I'm either laughing my head off or I'm in tears because of something I've written has touched a nerve or a funny bone. And it's just like OK I know I'm close to this and it's personal but I'm having this emotional reaction. You know and that with an absolute stubbornness to be a computer you know almost every day right.
I will take a day or two off from time to time if I just feel too close to it or just not coming and give it some space to breathe but I am I'm at you know it's my full time job and you know so I would say that I've overcome the internal challenges through the emotions that have been evident and break through a habit of you know working hard at something that you know there was no external challenge to knock.
The accident
about 15 weeks ago and a few days I sat at dinner on a Friday night with dear friends and said you know just I'm ready to start part four.
The next evening Sunday night House dinner. Walking back you know of course I'd walked 100 times before and through a series of events and through not seeing I was hit by a car and ambulance Doctor A Hospital 17 days in the hospital and basically about three almost four months of such a level of healing and discomfort. At that writing I just couldn't write I couldn't get comfortable in terms of the seated position with my hips with my leg with my shoulder. And I didn't I couldn't write. So that has been an external challenge. But in a funny way it's been an answer because it gave me a prologue into the book. I just didn't see a way to go. Yeah give me an epilogue out the no matter what we suffer in life. We don't have to do it alone. So it was a detour.
It was unexpected in some senses it's been far from easy and other senses it seems like it never happened. Now as I'm almost 100 percent back to health. But it has certainly given me a depth and color to the book that I didn't have before it happened. Interesting.
So my next question would be how has the actual process of writing this book changed you.
What what has changed about you or your navy the way you think about things your philosophy about life. But you know going through this process is you taking yourself through. How has it changed you or how you see things.
Well I think it's a product of a change that had already begun. And that is a period in life where everything that I used to do or used to be suddenly isn't working anymore. I had 20 years in the world of investments and have been evil for the last six years at least to be able to manage assets pay bills and have freedom you know suddenly that starts to fall apart a relationship which meant a great deal to me fell apart and was certainly not easy to explain why I needed to leave it. Other challenges other support systems if you will in life just kind of have faded and I have been forced to a point of for lack of a better term awakening. You know they say that the spiritual journey is the shift from the outer IP inner eye and through a series of books that have come into my life landed on my lap which I've read and reread.
Daily Meditation Practice
And through a daily practice of meditation the process of the book has come largely through quieting the mind and letting go of structures that probably were more ego which were more identified with material form meaning to recreate that made me feel safe illusion or not they made me feel safe. Anything creative I think comes from being it comes from something deeper some place deeper hand only in quieting the mind when trying to let go of all of the architecture that felt like support you know has this come. No. Did the book cause that. No but the book has certainly helped it and it has been a daily meditation. There's there's a practice and even writing or any artist would tell you that in painting or writing or whatnot that you know you work and then you don't work you focus and then you meditate or get quiet and see what I see what comes up and out. And the book has been an exercise in learning the beginnings of that which is really neat because cross references are echoes if you will from other things I've written in other parts of the book will come up and tie the given chapter I'm working on with something I've written eight months ago and wasn't wrapping up when I sat down to start that session. And it's a pretty amazing thing to see unfold. You know and I know it's coming from a deeper place. Ray and I just don't happen everyday but when it does I just love it.
So would you say that writing this book or going through the process has maybe shifted your relationship with you no one will just say maybe having having more faith in things unseen you know like that.
[00:19:37] There is some sort of guiding hand not to get religious or spiritual or any of that but somehow all things keep showing up that you really cannot rationalize it. It's been part of the awakening process and like things you can't make up right you can't figure out from a logical step like how did this happen and yet it's perfect. And for that it does develop stronger faith muscle for anybody yes. The shorter answer to that is yes that is maybe for the first Himalayan mountain in this journey if you will was has been and remains writing and writing it will you know the next. This is the process of editing and then the next will be the the journey to publication you know so smaller easy thing to get a book published. With all the book you know proposals that are out there. But all I can do is what is right in front of me and do it well and trust the process and I see enough of you know the inside out from being to the page that I'm encouraged that I'm on the right path and then and so the next step of the editing and publication. I trust that that will show up when I'm ready for it I'm not ready for it. Right. Right. And the funny thing is I know an editor and she's agreed to help. But I don't you know I don't know anyone in the publishing world so this will be a real fun journey watching out how the parental and how I can get this out into the world to help encourage other people.
[00:21:22] When I can't see the steps where I can't see the steps I don't know how that will happen but I am practicing each day the trust that that will come when it's time. I love that. Which leads me into my next part of this conversation which is about about your message right. So we have a little bit of the backstory of how you started reading that's why you wrote it. And you know the practice that you've been through but when we were coming to the message which is really for others. And what do you what do you see when you feel your ideal audience really really wants in life that that maybe in your book you know somehow help them achieve a piece of that. And I have a feeling it's not necessarily tangible. The thing is that we want that there's something there after that maybe this book that you're writing could help them on that journey. What do you do. Well I love your work because this is what I mean there are what four or five archetypes of of how a book is written and one of them is Journey clearly mynas journey the journey the journey from perfect to partial sight the journey inbusiness the journey and relationship and the journey from partial to perfect size. It's clearly a book about journey. As I'm now crystallizing the point I want to make is that no matter what our journey and no matter what we face on our journey we don't have to do it alone where we may feel like we're on the outside periphery you know looking in. But that's not true.
[00:23:14] And there are many around us who help us through life and we help them through life. And you know we we can have these things about us that make us feel less than or other or not a. And if we believe them they can handicap us if we don't believe them we can begin to see them as our way of touching the world our unique gift to give. And we do that as part of a community. We don't do that on our own. We don't do that alone. So and that's my main point is that for me the shift from the outside of the inner eyes that I'm a model you know not carrying this challenge all by myself I can look back and that's much of what I've written. I can look back and see how so many people know up to the accident and all the visitors at the hospital that went Briest was just an amazing testament to friendship and to community and through how we get through these things in life together. And it's not original and it's not a new idea. But I'll tell you there are a lot of books and movies and there's a lot of content out there about that very theme. So great great people can always tie and they can always be encouraged by it. So maybe the message is about you know like you just said God not needing to do it alone on this journey. You know we have to we all have to take the journey. We don't get to bypass it. None of us do right. But how we take that journey right is is really what's most important.
[00:24:54] And we also can shift our perspective in any moment to really take a look at you know you know somebody might have the perspective of I'm completely alone. I knew there was a there were a lot of times where I felt completely alone. And I was on this journey and I just had to figure it out. And it was all up to me and I look back now oddly enough seven years later right. And I think wow there were a lot of people who showed up on that journey for me but I couldn't see it at the time. I could write and and you know and some of it was some of the solutions I showed up not even through people. It was through maybe a dream I had or an idea or a thought or a book that showed that it doesn't matter. The support was there all along we just yet. We just have to open up to it right. Yeah yeah. That's right. So to get it to get a little bit more specific here especially when it comes to the ideal audience you know readers who might really benefit from this book. What are some of the specific maybe problems or challenges or pain points or fears that you think that are maybe holding them back from having what they really want in life whatever that is that they want maybe they want more confidence maybe they want a loving relationship maybe they want to figure out what their purpose work is but what do you think is what are some of the challenges and fears that they're having around really having what they want really getting to that place of fulfillment.
[00:26:35] Well I can say that the answer to that for me might be the answer for other people. Letting go and trusting letting go of the things we cling to hold on to that we were going to force them to work. We're going to make them work and I'd be that Ajil me at a job that and I had a job that paid very well but I lost my life for years before and I was I was just speeding towards burnout you know and that's the result of a lot of travel in different time zones and you know X number of nights a week in a hotel bed and just never never being in a place I would call home. But I doggedly did it. Year after year because well you know it paid well and this is probably you know all I'll ever see that that I can do I hung on to that relationship and part diary of a book is about it's about relationships and and how the whole go along get along. You know I'm perfectly fine I'm normal just like you. So you can buy what I'm selling. That didn't work well in business. It really worked well in relationships because relationships are about vulnerability and honesty and being true. And I spent most of my life covering up and compensating for the right disability.
[00:28:11] When you know someone who really wants to come to know me wants to understand that and so I would say again you know hanging onto an image or an idea of what life should look like or what I should look like in relationship instead of letting go and trusting that no there's a deeper truth that will come and a right person to share life with who can move. But I have to let go first of what I have or what is maybe not working. And trust that something deeper better more aligned. We'll be there. So my short answer to your question is holding on to things that we have because we have them. And maybe to some degree they're quote working unquote for us. Letting go of things and trusting. No no. There's something there's something that's better coming. That is your question. Absolutely. And you just answered three of my next questions all in that what you just said just perfect. So what I'm from from the outside looking in I am getting is that the message is very much about two things. It's about belief and it's about trust because in order to have what it is you want ok everybody wants something different. You know there are really only a few basic needs. True needs in life. You know I think it's Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. But the short version is love security and self esteem and I would add and and purpose or meaning. Right yes. But if a person doesn't know the purpose or meaning they're probably not going to die. But if they don't have security or shelter or food that might cause problems for the snow. So it sounds like you know you have to have first you have the desire cases. I want to have this experience I want to be in a loving fully committed relationship I want to you know live my purpose.
[00:30:23] We're going to make a bigger mark on the world or whatever it is. But then there has to be the belief that you can have that. I believe I can have. I may not know exactly how that happened but I believe that it can happen. And then there's the trust right. I trust that everything that I need will show up when I need it. That's a process that trusties. That's the kicker right there. Because really it's not until you are in Islam until you're on the journey that you start to develop that level of trust. Because I'll tell you the trust that I have today is very different than how I felt seven years ago or even five years ago. I look back and I think I thought I trusted I didn't my my behavior showed that I did not. I was constantly anxious I was nervous I was worried I'd would if this doesn't work out maybe I need to put this here in case this goes wrong. And so I did what I wanted because I I had to develop that trust myself. Right and I think you are going to finish up. So I feel that people who will read this and who will delve into you know what you're writing here in the book or what they're going to find out that that is part of the journey developing the trust is part of the journey and you will have what it is you truly desired. And you also have to believe that it's possible and you have to believe that you deserve it. That's something else that people forget too you know.
[00:32:09] And into that you have to believe that you deserve it because you can believe it it's out there for what it is so that you don't deserve to have those things you want. Right. Right before the episode. Well and that it may show up in a different way or in a different form than what we think in our mind's eye we want not attachment don't be attached to how it shows us. That's right. Monitary non-resistance and acceptance. But a higher good will come through screen that we couldn't we couldn't have thought of it we wouldn't have Maranhao to creator intent. You know that your comment about purpose. No I'm not writing the book for just you know people of disability or caring for a certain segment. I'm reading the book for anyone that comes to the intersection of life when life begins to fall apart and is wondering about purpose. Right. Why is this all there is. Why am I here what do I have to give criticism. Mean I'll leave it there. Yeah. And I think almost everyone comes to that and some can come to it younger you know some of us come through it in our fiftieth. But I've got do. And and you know what. So what is our unique gift to give. What is our voice in the world to help others. What is our motto. What is art. You know our mess becomes our message right. Absolutely. Them traditions of time. That's very much a part of it. And I love that it's not just about you know it's not just for people with disabilities. I mean self-worth issues could be a disability. You know.
[00:34:05] So it's like you said it's anybody who's come into that place in their life where I just had three clients just in the past week who literally just said those very words. And guess what. They're all either 48 49 to BVA or if I'm smiling because I have a little bit of an understanding of what's going on here. But yeah it's like it's kind of like the what now. Right. Like what. Now I've I've been going and going and doing all that stuff and what now is is this the rest of my life. Like what. What is the meaning of the next part of my life. Right. And I think that's an amazing audience to be speaking to and if I can spend the rest of my days writing words that help you know to that end. And I'm coaching people who you know as they go through it as they learn their truth and it unfolds for them. That would be life work I'd love to spend every last hour I have doing naps are. But I'm going back to corporate life or the money business and you know flying first class and having a town car and a nice big fat title and paycheck. I just don't want that. I just I don't know that I could do that again. This is what I just love doing. Even though I have no idea necessarily how how it will come out the once this is done and hopefully published. There's the trust there's the trust piece right. It's like I don't know becomes your catchphrase. You know your friend.
[00:35:46] I don't know but I trust that it all work out. It just sounds so easy say I don't know but I trust it's going to work out well. It's simple. And certainly in my 20s and probably my 30s and maybe even some of my 40s to say I don't know was not a comfortable answer right it was all the time periods were all about no right and thinking I had it all figured out and I'm thinking I had some element of control and only later you know I realize no I don't have control. No I don't have it all figured out and and I'm very comfortable with I don't know. Let's wait and see. You know the phrase I use a lot in the book. Well we're going to wait and see. So let's see what shows up. Let's see where this goes. And you know what. That coffee trust it's called free also because having to know all the answers having to know all the time frames having to know all the characters in the play and how this is all going to work out in a sense that it's about control right controlling the the outcome of things why to minimize the unknown a fear that usually comes from challenge. And so here when you know I think what creates such big you know anxiousness or anxiety even in some people when they get to this place and it there and there is such a thing called a crisis of meaning it real.
[00:37:18] There is such a thing as most people come through come to a crisis of meaning either through loss of a loved one a divorce or a breakup of a very significant relationship or major career change. Right. You've been going in one direction for all these years and no major shift major change or the rug gets pulled out from under you and financial crisis. And the first one is health crisis. One sometimes people get hit with multiples of those really addressing their gender. And it isn't until then that it creates this pause almost in your life this moment where you don't have to ask permission or get permission to take that moment to reflect what you have to reflect. You have to stop you're stopped and you have to look at what's going on and then you have to say is this all there is is there something more. Right. Because you probably start at a time prior to that. No I think it's the suffering of whatever sort or multiple source that wanting. She said yeah it dry. It drives us to that point in life. And I think that's designed into the process. I mean it's not fun it's not fun but there's a comfort in that. But you know it's like a mile marker along the road. OK. You're on the right road. This is very uncomfortable right now. And by the way this entire journey even once you are aware of it and we wakens with them right now you know your decades of conditioning rage of control conditioning and prison. So I spent 20 22 years helping people plan for the future. No plan no plan for the worst day. That that never happened. So you know the journey I'm on now is completely opposite of that.
[00:39:24] It's not about worrying about 20 30 years in the future it's about the present moment and in the present moment it's it's not always easy to let go of decades of conditioning. No. It's a process not this process one step forward two back or sometimes two step forward one back. It's here that I'm wearing my staff. Exactly. You know exactly. It's definitely a journey. The daily daily journey. I love it. I remember this. There's so much good stuff in this conversation. So many good things that we can good. Just keep going with and so let's just take this to a close and tell me what do you what do you envision for let's say the next. I don't know maybe a year or two as this book gets out there and even before it gets out there. But in terms of what you what type of work what kind of work services things you'll be doing with others and it doesn't have to be you know very specific but in terms of of what is the support that you feel like you really would like to offer to others for those who are kind of having a little bit of a challenge making these transitions. Not quite sure what direction they want to be going in because they just got hit with. Now what. Right. Can you hear me now. Oh yeah. Ok good get rid of a bad patch there. Well I would say your finish and then move that along. I would love. I would love to coach.
[00:41:23] I would love to sit down with people and coach them through this transition in writing and coaching would be a wonderful life. You know maybe we call that spiritual teacher or maybe we just call it coach coach. But you know doing the book as an entree or even before the book comes out to coach people I find with a lot of friends I do that for each other all the time. Those kids life stories in transition who are or understand awakening is we do that for each other now to turn that into you know a vocation and a gift to others. This is what I would love to do. And you know I have a idea already for a second book and maybe. So the idea of writing is very attractive to me. And then the idea of being with people and listening to people and helping them find their own truth in their own path through it would be a wonderful working life for the time that I have left now offering that that guidance and support you know not necessarily your troops helping them find their truth but but offering kind of the guidance the support you know a little bit of the guardrails so they're just not kind of spinning out of control right. Yeah you're not alone. This is part of the process. Congratulations. In fact it's part of the process. You're you're coming to awakening and things are falling apart and you're wondering you know what in the world is going on. We're not alone. You're not alone at all. In fact many have gone before many are going through it with you and you know Monica as you've shown me if you know where to look.
[00:43:32] There's there's an endless amount of resource available to help us through this rain. Some of them but some of them seminar some of them I guess some of those you know retreat. All of that I'd love to do as well as the degree that is there. But you know there's a lot of support people going through this transition in life. And I'd love to be a part of that. You know I see it. I definitely see it and this whole thing about you're not alone that keeps coming up and. And that is the message. I mean if you really just condense it all and put everything just into that little phrase you're not alone. You don't have to go through this by yourself. There is support there is guidance right. And that's an awesome message. I mean if there's ever been one that is it and it's you know it's right in alignment with what you really do. The highest level of service is here to offer others. So well this was great. I don't know if you have any last words you want to put in here or share but I think we we can close it up now but it's yeah it sums up everything about what we've been working on and I just cannot wait until this book is birthed completely. Yeah. Thank you Monica. Thank you for all your help and hope to coach through this. We started about a year ago with our work and that has opened up so many avenues and so much support for the journey.
[00:45:11] And I think that's part of it I guess I'd leave us with the thought that we come to a place where it's all falling apart and we need help and then we you know we move through and become aware and grow and then and then it's just a natural evolution to helping others. And I think that's how how consciousness comes to the world is that we begin to share our own story and then help people share theirs. Absolutely. Probably how it works. So yeah they find out I can see several podcasts episodes coming in the near future anyway. Okay perfect. Just hang on one second.
That's when I actually interacted I question. No. I think that the answer to that is that it was a marriage of two defining moments. One happened 43 years ago in second grade in my hometown of Ligonier Pa. at the Ramsey school my second grade teacher Mrs. McGuire after handing back the writing assignments that I that I did well at she said you know one day one day you'll write books. And I listened and smiled. I'm sure and I've had a lot of things said you know since that time as to what I may or may not do which I have long since forgotten but I held onto followed closely by a couple of thoughts. What do I have to say in the world and who would care to read it. Show us that for whatever reason I held onto the idea that you know not every day or not every week or even every year it would loop back. So now it kind of has always been there. And then about seven years ago sure sounds like a long time now.
But yeah the process involved my corporate life as the senior vice president traveling consulting working with clients in many different cities came to an end and due to circumstances beyond my control and I just had no heart to try and tie in to that kind of work again with another consulting firm and just more of the same. So I've had a long period of quiet of searching something that was more schooling some of that was you know different avenues of thought I thought might fit. And then funny enough that came circling back for Mrs Maguire's words and I began to think about the idea of the the site's challenges that I've had since I was about 18 years old. And why do I have them you know. What have I been able to do despite them what it would have been able to do in my life because of them. And is this a unique way to reach out to touch the world to kind of put something in words that might encourage other people show. I have now.
As of this week in writing the book for about one year and I am into the last of four parts. Two chapters in and and hope to have it kind of buttoned up by the end of June and then we'll see where we go from there.
The Why.
OK so real quick just for listeners or readers or whoever is out there that they don't really know about what this journey has been for you. You quickly mentioned sites great so we asked oddly enough ties into the book. Correct yes. Yes. Probably more about that about the whole site issue that the title of the book is called peripheral. And I don't really see that as a working title. I think that's going to stick. Because it's a it's a play on words.
The WHY:
I was a freshman in college after a life of perfect sight a very sheltered simple healthy family country life in western Pennsylvania. I come to politics. I come to California for school. I'm sitting in a psychology class early on in my freshman year. And I you know I look from the white board down to my notepad and then back up to the white board and suddenly something had shifted suddenly I couldn't see as I normally had. And I kept rubbing my eyes and blinking and wondering what in the world. And so the first part of the book is basically the story of set against the backdrop of basically a healthy I feel like upbringing with no challenges of health condition of any sort sudden what happened. So it's the journey of what happens the path to diagnosis and the story. OK. Well from a freshman in college what I'm going to do now. You know I'm writing I've got a rare retinal disorder but rare I mean 15 1 and 20000 people have it. You know nobody cares. And you know I'm a young a young man at a time with nothing but my life ahead of me what am I going to do. So that's that's the beginning of the book the to the dealing with the diagnosis of Stargardt's disease which is its name which is an erosion of central vision. I'm simply left with peripheral vision which is bigger.
And then of course you go through life and you know you know you have this situation going on and I imagine that played into a lot of you know how you did manage it how you did work with it how you did eventually. I would imagine develop stronger senses because of the Sight correct. Yes. There was a period of deterioration that lasted about ten years and then it stopped but it started because there was no more no war specifically macular degeneration was gone. So I was left with what I had.
The Career
The second part of the book the journey in businesses is very much about the compensation for it or in some cases overcompensation for the disability and how I move through my working life at the time making the best of it with people in my life who are friends to this day who varying degrees of sensitivity to buy side issues or not. So part two is a lot of funny stories about some of the funny things that happened as I missed things as a normally sighted person would see work among you know some crusty salty Irish types back in Boston and you know who are never going to let on that they admire you and like you because of how you overcome your disability. They pick on you. .
So let's talk about as you began writing this book you decided OK you know what I'm going to listen to that teacher and I'm using to give it a go and see what happens and what obstacles are just a real or perceived.
Did you did you feel like you've had to move through or I don't want to say overcome that moved through to get you know to get this far in the book to get to where it was a concept an idea to actually hey I'm writing I'm doing this I'm doing this thing.
Great question. And by the way the obstacles are present on any given day and to them you know the voice of doubt is ever present you know who are you to think you can write a book right. Or you know is what I'm writing of interest that is going to be of value anyone and hers is just an exercise for myself for my daughter and maybe not any more people beyond that. My friends but. So I've I've always been a fair communicator and spoken word and through writing and I just felt like you know I'm decent at storytelling let me just start to put together some vignettes or some stories around these different either time periods or parts of life that growing up to be that business be that relationship or be that what do I do with this now is it kind of the four parts of the book in general. And what I've collected are about 34 different stories that kind of fit under one of those headings. Moving along a timeline of life. But I know I'm not an English major. I don't know I don't have a degree in composition. I'm just writing stories and then telling them like that. Like I would tell them to my daughter my straightforward simple hopefully light and expansive that she and life and others who read it may see their own life story their own challenges with them.
But using the device of humor as much as I can my funny things that happened but were back and to try and you know to be. And let them know they're not alone. So I don't have any formal training at this I just kind of had a desire and a little prompting 43 years ago and I still get a free time. And I said Well why not. Why not. Why not take a crack at this because it doesn't seem to stop nagging me that I should do it. And so you know one day becomes a week and one week becomes a month and now suddenly I'm a year into this and it has a life of its own that's some things it's just writing itself. It's easy. Not every day. The days I edit are for. No. No it's you know there's writing and then there's the work of rewriting and rewriting is it is much more. But it's coming and I can see how the main point I'd like to and I can see the end yet even as I get closer to the so Harry yes. And you know. Yes yes. So the the obstacles throughout this year of writing would you say were they more internal and kind of just like you said like who's going to read this. I'm sure there's the doubt and all the cool things that you get to work through because you know and I know you're on a personal level that writing a book.
And I think for anybody who's writing a book that is based on their own experiences there is a part of it or part of them that may think like is going to find this valuable thing going to help people realize WHY AM I DOING THIS RIGHT.
So how are you. How have you been able to move through some of those you know those things. Because I I coach a lot of entrepreneurs and I tell them that starting their own business is the best life coaching or coaching program that they could ever invest in in their whole life because it's going to bring up all of their fears or doubts their insecurities their perceived shortcomings. And the second thing that is that has the same effect is writing a book based on freshly made some things in your life because again all the fears doubts worries insecurities and you know at times even self-worth issues a lot of things surface when we're doing this is because we're putting ourselves in a very vulnerable position. And so I think you have moved through some of those as you've been writing.
It's deeply personal. I mean I'm opening up my you know my not only my history and story but my emotions around. And you know one won't tell will that that comes. Not every day but every so often that reassures me I'm on the right path and writing this is that you can be sitting in a Starbucks or Pete's Coffee and I'm either laughing my head off or I'm in tears because of something I've written has touched a nerve or a funny bone. And it's just like OK I know I'm close to this and it's personal but I'm having this emotional reaction. You know and that with an absolute stubbornness to be a computer you know almost every day right.
I will take a day or two off from time to time if I just feel too close to it or just not coming and give it some space to breathe but I am I'm at you know it's my full time job and you know so I would say that I've overcome the internal challenges through the emotions that have been evident and break through a habit of you know working hard at something that you know there was no external challenge to knock.
The accident
about 15 weeks ago and a few days I sat at dinner on a Friday night with dear friends and said you know just I'm ready to start part four.
The next evening Sunday night House dinner. Walking back you know of course I'd walked 100 times before and through a series of events and through not seeing I was hit by a car and ambulance Doctor A Hospital 17 days in the hospital and basically about three almost four months of such a level of healing and discomfort. At that writing I just couldn't write I couldn't get comfortable in terms of the seated position with my hips with my leg with my shoulder. And I didn't I couldn't write. So that has been an external challenge. But in a funny way it's been an answer because it gave me a prologue into the book. I just didn't see a way to go. Yeah give me an epilogue out the no matter what we suffer in life. We don't have to do it alone. So it was a detour.
It was unexpected in some senses it's been far from easy and other senses it seems like it never happened. Now as I'm almost 100 percent back to health. But it has certainly given me a depth and color to the book that I didn't have before it happened. Interesting.
So my next question would be how has the actual process of writing this book changed you.
What what has changed about you or your navy the way you think about things your philosophy about life. But you know going through this process is you taking yourself through. How has it changed you or how you see things.
Well I think it's a product of a change that had already begun. And that is a period in life where everything that I used to do or used to be suddenly isn't working anymore. I had 20 years in the world of investments and have been evil for the last six years at least to be able to manage assets pay bills and have freedom you know suddenly that starts to fall apart a relationship which meant a great deal to me fell apart and was certainly not easy to explain why I needed to leave it. Other challenges other support systems if you will in life just kind of have faded and I have been forced to a point of for lack of a better term awakening. You know they say that the spiritual journey is the shift from the outer IP inner eye and through a series of books that have come into my life landed on my lap which I've read and reread.
Daily Meditation Practice
And through a daily practice of meditation the process of the book has come largely through quieting the mind and letting go of structures that probably were more ego which were more identified with material form meaning to recreate that made me feel safe illusion or not they made me feel safe. Anything creative I think comes from being it comes from something deeper some place deeper hand only in quieting the mind when trying to let go of all of the architecture that felt like support you know has this come. No. Did the book cause that. No but the book has certainly helped it and it has been a daily meditation. There's there's a practice and even writing or any artist would tell you that in painting or writing or whatnot that you know you work and then you don't work you focus and then you meditate or get quiet and see what I see what comes up and out. And the book has been an exercise in learning the beginnings of that which is really neat because cross references are echoes if you will from other things I've written in other parts of the book will come up and tie the given chapter I'm working on with something I've written eight months ago and wasn't wrapping up when I sat down to start that session. And it's a pretty amazing thing to see unfold. You know and I know it's coming from a deeper place. Ray and I just don't happen everyday but when it does I just love it.
So would you say that writing this book or going through the process has maybe shifted your relationship with you no one will just say maybe having having more faith in things unseen you know like that.
[00:19:37] There is some sort of guiding hand not to get religious or spiritual or any of that but somehow all things keep showing up that you really cannot rationalize it. It's been part of the awakening process and like things you can't make up right you can't figure out from a logical step like how did this happen and yet it's perfect. And for that it does develop stronger faith muscle for anybody yes. The shorter answer to that is yes that is maybe for the first Himalayan mountain in this journey if you will was has been and remains writing and writing it will you know the next. This is the process of editing and then the next will be the the journey to publication you know so smaller easy thing to get a book published. With all the book you know proposals that are out there. But all I can do is what is right in front of me and do it well and trust the process and I see enough of you know the inside out from being to the page that I'm encouraged that I'm on the right path and then and so the next step of the editing and publication. I trust that that will show up when I'm ready for it I'm not ready for it. Right. Right. And the funny thing is I know an editor and she's agreed to help. But I don't you know I don't know anyone in the publishing world so this will be a real fun journey watching out how the parental and how I can get this out into the world to help encourage other people.
[00:21:22] When I can't see the steps where I can't see the steps I don't know how that will happen but I am practicing each day the trust that that will come when it's time. I love that. Which leads me into my next part of this conversation which is about about your message right. So we have a little bit of the backstory of how you started reading that's why you wrote it. And you know the practice that you've been through but when we were coming to the message which is really for others. And what do you what do you see when you feel your ideal audience really really wants in life that that maybe in your book you know somehow help them achieve a piece of that. And I have a feeling it's not necessarily tangible. The thing is that we want that there's something there after that maybe this book that you're writing could help them on that journey. What do you do. Well I love your work because this is what I mean there are what four or five archetypes of of how a book is written and one of them is Journey clearly mynas journey the journey the journey from perfect to partial sight the journey inbusiness the journey and relationship and the journey from partial to perfect size. It's clearly a book about journey. As I'm now crystallizing the point I want to make is that no matter what our journey and no matter what we face on our journey we don't have to do it alone where we may feel like we're on the outside periphery you know looking in. But that's not true.
[00:23:14] And there are many around us who help us through life and we help them through life. And you know we we can have these things about us that make us feel less than or other or not a. And if we believe them they can handicap us if we don't believe them we can begin to see them as our way of touching the world our unique gift to give. And we do that as part of a community. We don't do that on our own. We don't do that alone. So and that's my main point is that for me the shift from the outside of the inner eyes that I'm a model you know not carrying this challenge all by myself I can look back and that's much of what I've written. I can look back and see how so many people know up to the accident and all the visitors at the hospital that went Briest was just an amazing testament to friendship and to community and through how we get through these things in life together. And it's not original and it's not a new idea. But I'll tell you there are a lot of books and movies and there's a lot of content out there about that very theme. So great great people can always tie and they can always be encouraged by it. So maybe the message is about you know like you just said God not needing to do it alone on this journey. You know we have to we all have to take the journey. We don't get to bypass it. None of us do right. But how we take that journey right is is really what's most important.
[00:24:54] And we also can shift our perspective in any moment to really take a look at you know you know somebody might have the perspective of I'm completely alone. I knew there was a there were a lot of times where I felt completely alone. And I was on this journey and I just had to figure it out. And it was all up to me and I look back now oddly enough seven years later right. And I think wow there were a lot of people who showed up on that journey for me but I couldn't see it at the time. I could write and and you know and some of it was some of the solutions I showed up not even through people. It was through maybe a dream I had or an idea or a thought or a book that showed that it doesn't matter. The support was there all along we just yet. We just have to open up to it right. Yeah yeah. That's right. So to get it to get a little bit more specific here especially when it comes to the ideal audience you know readers who might really benefit from this book. What are some of the specific maybe problems or challenges or pain points or fears that you think that are maybe holding them back from having what they really want in life whatever that is that they want maybe they want more confidence maybe they want a loving relationship maybe they want to figure out what their purpose work is but what do you think is what are some of the challenges and fears that they're having around really having what they want really getting to that place of fulfillment.
[00:26:35] Well I can say that the answer to that for me might be the answer for other people. Letting go and trusting letting go of the things we cling to hold on to that we were going to force them to work. We're going to make them work and I'd be that Ajil me at a job that and I had a job that paid very well but I lost my life for years before and I was I was just speeding towards burnout you know and that's the result of a lot of travel in different time zones and you know X number of nights a week in a hotel bed and just never never being in a place I would call home. But I doggedly did it. Year after year because well you know it paid well and this is probably you know all I'll ever see that that I can do I hung on to that relationship and part diary of a book is about it's about relationships and and how the whole go along get along. You know I'm perfectly fine I'm normal just like you. So you can buy what I'm selling. That didn't work well in business. It really worked well in relationships because relationships are about vulnerability and honesty and being true. And I spent most of my life covering up and compensating for the right disability.
[00:28:11] When you know someone who really wants to come to know me wants to understand that and so I would say again you know hanging onto an image or an idea of what life should look like or what I should look like in relationship instead of letting go and trusting that no there's a deeper truth that will come and a right person to share life with who can move. But I have to let go first of what I have or what is maybe not working. And trust that something deeper better more aligned. We'll be there. So my short answer to your question is holding on to things that we have because we have them. And maybe to some degree they're quote working unquote for us. Letting go of things and trusting. No no. There's something there's something that's better coming. That is your question. Absolutely. And you just answered three of my next questions all in that what you just said just perfect. So what I'm from from the outside looking in I am getting is that the message is very much about two things. It's about belief and it's about trust because in order to have what it is you want ok everybody wants something different. You know there are really only a few basic needs. True needs in life. You know I think it's Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. But the short version is love security and self esteem and I would add and and purpose or meaning. Right yes. But if a person doesn't know the purpose or meaning they're probably not going to die. But if they don't have security or shelter or food that might cause problems for the snow. So it sounds like you know you have to have first you have the desire cases. I want to have this experience I want to be in a loving fully committed relationship I want to you know live my purpose.
[00:30:23] We're going to make a bigger mark on the world or whatever it is. But then there has to be the belief that you can have that. I believe I can have. I may not know exactly how that happened but I believe that it can happen. And then there's the trust right. I trust that everything that I need will show up when I need it. That's a process that trusties. That's the kicker right there. Because really it's not until you are in Islam until you're on the journey that you start to develop that level of trust. Because I'll tell you the trust that I have today is very different than how I felt seven years ago or even five years ago. I look back and I think I thought I trusted I didn't my my behavior showed that I did not. I was constantly anxious I was nervous I was worried I'd would if this doesn't work out maybe I need to put this here in case this goes wrong. And so I did what I wanted because I I had to develop that trust myself. Right and I think you are going to finish up. So I feel that people who will read this and who will delve into you know what you're writing here in the book or what they're going to find out that that is part of the journey developing the trust is part of the journey and you will have what it is you truly desired. And you also have to believe that it's possible and you have to believe that you deserve it. That's something else that people forget too you know.
[00:32:09] And into that you have to believe that you deserve it because you can believe it it's out there for what it is so that you don't deserve to have those things you want. Right. Right before the episode. Well and that it may show up in a different way or in a different form than what we think in our mind's eye we want not attachment don't be attached to how it shows us. That's right. Monitary non-resistance and acceptance. But a higher good will come through screen that we couldn't we couldn't have thought of it we wouldn't have Maranhao to creator intent. You know that your comment about purpose. No I'm not writing the book for just you know people of disability or caring for a certain segment. I'm reading the book for anyone that comes to the intersection of life when life begins to fall apart and is wondering about purpose. Right. Why is this all there is. Why am I here what do I have to give criticism. Mean I'll leave it there. Yeah. And I think almost everyone comes to that and some can come to it younger you know some of us come through it in our fiftieth. But I've got do. And and you know what. So what is our unique gift to give. What is our voice in the world to help others. What is our motto. What is art. You know our mess becomes our message right. Absolutely. Them traditions of time. That's very much a part of it. And I love that it's not just about you know it's not just for people with disabilities. I mean self-worth issues could be a disability. You know.
[00:34:05] So it's like you said it's anybody who's come into that place in their life where I just had three clients just in the past week who literally just said those very words. And guess what. They're all either 48 49 to BVA or if I'm smiling because I have a little bit of an understanding of what's going on here. But yeah it's like it's kind of like the what now. Right. Like what. Now I've I've been going and going and doing all that stuff and what now is is this the rest of my life. Like what. What is the meaning of the next part of my life. Right. And I think that's an amazing audience to be speaking to and if I can spend the rest of my days writing words that help you know to that end. And I'm coaching people who you know as they go through it as they learn their truth and it unfolds for them. That would be life work I'd love to spend every last hour I have doing naps are. But I'm going back to corporate life or the money business and you know flying first class and having a town car and a nice big fat title and paycheck. I just don't want that. I just I don't know that I could do that again. This is what I just love doing. Even though I have no idea necessarily how how it will come out the once this is done and hopefully published. There's the trust there's the trust piece right. It's like I don't know becomes your catchphrase. You know your friend.
[00:35:46] I don't know but I trust that it all work out. It just sounds so easy say I don't know but I trust it's going to work out well. It's simple. And certainly in my 20s and probably my 30s and maybe even some of my 40s to say I don't know was not a comfortable answer right it was all the time periods were all about no right and thinking I had it all figured out and I'm thinking I had some element of control and only later you know I realize no I don't have control. No I don't have it all figured out and and I'm very comfortable with I don't know. Let's wait and see. You know the phrase I use a lot in the book. Well we're going to wait and see. So let's see what shows up. Let's see where this goes. And you know what. That coffee trust it's called free also because having to know all the answers having to know all the time frames having to know all the characters in the play and how this is all going to work out in a sense that it's about control right controlling the the outcome of things why to minimize the unknown a fear that usually comes from challenge. And so here when you know I think what creates such big you know anxiousness or anxiety even in some people when they get to this place and it there and there is such a thing called a crisis of meaning it real.
[00:37:18] There is such a thing as most people come through come to a crisis of meaning either through loss of a loved one a divorce or a breakup of a very significant relationship or major career change. Right. You've been going in one direction for all these years and no major shift major change or the rug gets pulled out from under you and financial crisis. And the first one is health crisis. One sometimes people get hit with multiples of those really addressing their gender. And it isn't until then that it creates this pause almost in your life this moment where you don't have to ask permission or get permission to take that moment to reflect what you have to reflect. You have to stop you're stopped and you have to look at what's going on and then you have to say is this all there is is there something more. Right. Because you probably start at a time prior to that. No I think it's the suffering of whatever sort or multiple source that wanting. She said yeah it dry. It drives us to that point in life. And I think that's designed into the process. I mean it's not fun it's not fun but there's a comfort in that. But you know it's like a mile marker along the road. OK. You're on the right road. This is very uncomfortable right now. And by the way this entire journey even once you are aware of it and we wakens with them right now you know your decades of conditioning rage of control conditioning and prison. So I spent 20 22 years helping people plan for the future. No plan no plan for the worst day. That that never happened. So you know the journey I'm on now is completely opposite of that.
[00:39:24] It's not about worrying about 20 30 years in the future it's about the present moment and in the present moment it's it's not always easy to let go of decades of conditioning. No. It's a process not this process one step forward two back or sometimes two step forward one back. It's here that I'm wearing my staff. Exactly. You know exactly. It's definitely a journey. The daily daily journey. I love it. I remember this. There's so much good stuff in this conversation. So many good things that we can good. Just keep going with and so let's just take this to a close and tell me what do you what do you envision for let's say the next. I don't know maybe a year or two as this book gets out there and even before it gets out there. But in terms of what you what type of work what kind of work services things you'll be doing with others and it doesn't have to be you know very specific but in terms of of what is the support that you feel like you really would like to offer to others for those who are kind of having a little bit of a challenge making these transitions. Not quite sure what direction they want to be going in because they just got hit with. Now what. Right. Can you hear me now. Oh yeah. Ok good get rid of a bad patch there. Well I would say your finish and then move that along. I would love. I would love to coach.
[00:41:23] I would love to sit down with people and coach them through this transition in writing and coaching would be a wonderful life. You know maybe we call that spiritual teacher or maybe we just call it coach coach. But you know doing the book as an entree or even before the book comes out to coach people I find with a lot of friends I do that for each other all the time. Those kids life stories in transition who are or understand awakening is we do that for each other now to turn that into you know a vocation and a gift to others. This is what I would love to do. And you know I have a idea already for a second book and maybe. So the idea of writing is very attractive to me. And then the idea of being with people and listening to people and helping them find their own truth in their own path through it would be a wonderful working life for the time that I have left now offering that that guidance and support you know not necessarily your troops helping them find their truth but but offering kind of the guidance the support you know a little bit of the guardrails so they're just not kind of spinning out of control right. Yeah you're not alone. This is part of the process. Congratulations. In fact it's part of the process. You're you're coming to awakening and things are falling apart and you're wondering you know what in the world is going on. We're not alone. You're not alone at all. In fact many have gone before many are going through it with you and you know Monica as you've shown me if you know where to look.
[00:43:32] There's there's an endless amount of resource available to help us through this rain. Some of them but some of them seminar some of them I guess some of those you know retreat. All of that I'd love to do as well as the degree that is there. But you know there's a lot of support people going through this transition in life. And I'd love to be a part of that. You know I see it. I definitely see it and this whole thing about you're not alone that keeps coming up and. And that is the message. I mean if you really just condense it all and put everything just into that little phrase you're not alone. You don't have to go through this by yourself. There is support there is guidance right. And that's an awesome message. I mean if there's ever been one that is it and it's you know it's right in alignment with what you really do. The highest level of service is here to offer others. So well this was great. I don't know if you have any last words you want to put in here or share but I think we we can close it up now but it's yeah it sums up everything about what we've been working on and I just cannot wait until this book is birthed completely. Yeah. Thank you Monica. Thank you for all your help and hope to coach through this. We started about a year ago with our work and that has opened up so many avenues and so much support for the journey.
[00:45:11] And I think that's part of it I guess I'd leave us with the thought that we come to a place where it's all falling apart and we need help and then we you know we move through and become aware and grow and then and then it's just a natural evolution to helping others. And I think that's how how consciousness comes to the world is that we begin to share our own story and then help people share theirs. Absolutely. Probably how it works. So yeah they find out I can see several podcasts episodes coming in the near future anyway. Okay perfect. Just hang on one second.